There are a lot top 10 lists out there so I thought I would add one to the multitude:
Top 10 list on how to be a bad co-worker
You know, those people that want to do their jobs poorly. Please note the pervasive sarcasm in this post. Yes, that person that wakes up every morning looking forward to doing a bad job at work. You probably have or have had a coworker or two who you think wakes up and asks themselves “how can I make my coworkers and boss miserable today?” You might even think that HR and hiring managers like this type of person because they keep hiring more of them. Or maybe, you are tired of having people want to work with you. It gets old winning awards and knowing that you are doing a good job… it’s time for a change! You want to join the ranks of the ne’er-do-wells. This post is for you.
1. Show up late… to everything. This shows EVERYONE that you value your time more than theirs. Way to go. There might not be an “I” in team but there is a “ME.”
2. Gossip… A LOT! You know people LOVE bad news, so why not spread some. Or even better yet, create your own. You saw your boss go into a meeting with the CEO… that MUST mean layoffs are around the corner, you better start telling people.
3. Don’t clean your dishes in the break room. Don’t they have cleaning people for that? I mean seriously. If you cleaned up after yourself you would be taking work away from someone else.
4. Take personal calls at work and speak LOUDLY. Everyone else is so focused on work they won’t even notice when you talk about how your family puts the fun in dysfunctional.
5. Don’t do what you tell people you will do. The Bible even tells us that if you put your faith in anyone but God you will be disappointed. So why not allow them to learn that lesson through you?
6. Deadlines are for suckers. You can’t rush creativity and most deadlines are artificial anyway. If they were real there would be consequences for missing them.
7. Don’t eat breakfast until you get to work. Your employer knows you don’t work well when you are hungry so it is a good idea to clock in at work before you start making your breakfast.
8. What dress code? Even if you know the dress code, they don’t really expect people to adhere to it. Your coworkers understand and maybe even enjoy seeing your underwear, bra, belly or any other item or part of your body some people consider “personal.”
9. Wear a lot of perfume or cologne. Better yet, wear a lot of Patchouli Oil. Everyone enjoys the same scents you do and if not… well, they just need to get over it.
10. Do what you want, when you want, where you want. You have your rights, don’t let people take them from you.
11. Don’t follow directions. If someone asks you to do a top 10 list do 11 or 12 if you want. They will appreciate that you think “outside the box.” All those haters need a “paradigm shift” to see things the right way… your way.
12. Personal hygiene. Bathing is optional and bad for the natural oils you produce. Just use more patchouli oil. Fingernails and toenails? If you decide to clip them why do it in the privacy of your own home? Clip them at work in the break room or in your cube.
Feel free to add the ways YOU can be a bad employee in the comments. These people need all the help they can get.
The employee who steadily smiles and peak performs while having to work with a difficult and sometimes toxic coworker, proves that he/she is in control of their happiness and peace of mind.